ENC 1101-B3 & B4: Writing for Discovery

This draft really made me think differently about the short story I began with and it forced me to go back and really re-work it. Despite not really making use of the inner monolouge correctly, the prompt still suceeded in introducing a new way of telling the story.

I’m pretty satisfied with my new draft of my Portfolio. I didn’t get many comments last time that gave me pointers on what to do to improve so that was kind of a bummer. Then again, at first I wasn’t giving very constructive comments either until the last part of class when Mr. Lowe kindly corrected me. So I had to go solo on this one.

Well, the “I’s” were every where. I noticed like 50 of them. So with the help of my group members I changed the majority of them. It made the story read a little better, without being interrupted with the character constantly saying “I”. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. There still might be a few that I want to change for the final.

So this was it, the final draft. I think I only liked the first half of it. Like most of my work, the end seemed to quick. I have a tendency to do that.

But before i begin on the ending, there were some parts that needed expansion.

I picked this draft because I gave up on my second one. I attempted unsuccessfully to make Cara's drive home interesting, but even I didn't want to read the narrative.

I think I am not cut out to write about fiction. I think I write when I have something to say, and I definitely had something to say about abortion. Don't you think? I know that in my first draft I confused a few people in light of where I stood.

I choose to go with the fiction story. I like the present tense better, but it's not as easier to write a story in. It reads better on paper and sounds better in my head to me.

I mainly focused on the structure and content of the paper. I didn't add in any huge events, but mainly revised little things that go on throughout the day.

Alright, it still does not have an ending, but I am getting there. I spent like 3 hours on it today reworking phrases and adding a lot. I am way over the minimum count of 1000 words and will probably go much father at this rate. Its starting to come together and I am very happy with the progress. I can’t wait until it’s finished, but I have so much fun writing it. I don’t really want it to end.

For this draft, I expanded the ending of the story as my peers advised. I really tried to think about many details of an accident scene, along with every little move one could make in such a horrible situation. The accident was a major part of my story so I definitely dwelled on it more in this draft. I tried to paint a more vivid picture in the reader's mind. I even spoke to my mom about my narrative; and she informed me that when people are in such intense shock, they sometimes freeze up. I then decided to add that to my story to make ot seem realistic.

well i picked this story to revise because i really like writing stories more than writing factual or persuasive papers. to revise this time i tried to put in some inner monologue i think thats what its called like the thoughts of a the storteller.

I choose to do my narrative as my portfolio draft. I choose this one because I thought it would be interesting to do because the changes I would do would involve making some parts longer and others shorter. I thought this sounded like the movies so it sounded cool. It was not necessarily hard to do but it not require much work or time to do.

The strengths of this draft come from the fact that I tried to combine parts of the first and second drafts from Exploratory D. “Jimmy had been in Italy for five months and he still was not used to his friends dieing. “People say you get used to friends dieing, but gettin’ used to people dieing is somethin’ I hope I never get used to. The guys, who do, walk around with blank stares, like there is no one there.”

I guess I've just had a stroke of luck with this paper. I sat to write it and again all these new ideas just started flooding my brain. I guess it pays not look at the thing for awhile. It felt as though I had a new perspective.

I really like this draft and i feel likes it has been the best draft, not to mention the best thing i have wrote all semester! It is very easy for me to write about something that i know about and have experienced first hand, than something that i would have to research about. There are a lot of things that i think i did really good on in this draft, such as the amount of detail i put into it and the way it flows. I also like how this paper reaches out to you and makes you feel like you are actually there.

In this draft I switched the tense back to the past. I liked the way the first draft sounded. I also like the way it sounded with me being able to narrate the story in the 3rd person so I changed that too.

I shortened it to 1600 words. Nice huh? It was way too long. I cut out the part about going on an anniversary date. That just seemed totally unnecessary.
I also changed he ending and I like it much better. It is still somewhat cheesy but not to the point where you want to vomit even if you do like cheese. I also attempted to expand on the female characters. I added some past experiences between the two in hopes to expand on their hatred. I don't think that went as well and I’m thinking maybe I should have taken it in another direction. I cut a lot and changed it somewhat.