ENC 1101-B3 & B4: Writing for Discovery

God I love this. This is why I’m alive, this is what life is all about. Screw that greedy family, screw that overbearing boss, screw that cubicle. “Screw that cubicle!” The echo of my scream made me proud that I was alone. This was the first time I had been truly alone, truly alone with my thoughts, with only my needs. This moment of clarity brought to my attention the sobering fact that I was unhappy. The weight of life had come down and grounded my free soaring spirit. Life had created a new me, one that I had grown to hate, one that I never thought I would see, a conformist. I couldn’t care about any of that now. Life was behind me, in a world that didn’t exist out here. Out here life is to real to notice anything else. I Surveyed my task.

It had been so long since my last time here. My favorite spot as a kid had somehow disappeared from my memory. It’s amazing how one place can influence so much of your life, yet it can vanish so easily. The beauty of the Carolina forest had molded me into the type of person that I thought I would always be. Life out here had always been about the moment. Worrying about the future was never a priority because I took challenges as they came. Now every new challenge has the anxiety of the next challenge. Life has turned me into what I hated the most, a routine, a machine, a man that did the same thing everyday at the same time. A weasel of a man who had no backbone, a man who conformed at the drop of hat as long as I thought it would keep me out of trouble. I worked in a cubicle and came home to a small house with a moronic family. I had to get out, had to be alone to contemplate.

I strayed from my problems at home and focused on the task at hand, 3000 feet of sheer vertical granite. It had been so long since I had been climbing that I didn’t know if I would even be able to tie the right knots. It’s funny the way memories come back, first like a slow trickle then to a steady current, and finally a massive tidal wave. I could feel my body acting on it’s own. My body seemed almost to be a separate entinty away from the brain. My hands did their dance which felt odd, but somehow so familiar. Everything came rushing back.

I walked up to the wall and took my first step upwards. Reaching my right hand and placing it on an indentation in the rock. I grasped the rock and letting it’s frigid, smooth surface retrieve even more memories. The lifeless feeling of the mountain reminded me just how dead and uncaring it really was. Whether I made it to the top, gave up, or fall to my death the rock didn’t care. This offered me some comfort, because I knew the rock wouldn’t judge me. Everyone else in this world has always passed some sort of judgement on me, even if they don’t even know the real me. With my hand securely planted in the indention I pulled. With a creaky groan from my right shoulder my body obliged. I planted my right foot just below my right hand and pushed for the next hold.. Like some beautifully choreographed dance my body followed a pattern precisely. I felt like I was climbing a ladder.

The best thing about climbing a mountain is that all you can think about is the mountain. Nothing from life can bother you out here. If one lets life bother them on the mountain, then life will never bother them again.

I climbed a little more on nothing but instinct. But soon enough instinct had to give way to choice .
I came to a part where the nearest hand hold was about 6 feet to the left of my current position. The only other way to go was down. I thought about it. Giving up would be so easy. I had made almost half way. For a man my age that was quite an accomplishment. Giving up now wouldn’t be so bad. Agreeing with my life, accepting my circumstances. Knowing that for the rest of my life I would be some sniveling ass kiss in a monkey suit. That would be easy, but God knows it wouldn’t be right. I eyed my hold and judged the distance. My muscles shook with anticipation as I cocked my legs into position. I looked and took a deep breath. Screw life, screw the family, screw the routine, and screw the cubicle. “Screw that cubicle.” The reaction was explosive I flew off where I was and made a full out dive for the hold. My entire world seemed to slow done and the only thing that mattered where my hands and the rock. I reached and with no problem grabbed the hold. I hung their for a few seconds letting my adrenaline take it’s course, then pulled myself up to the safety of a flat ledge.

Sitting on the ledge I surveyed what I had accomplished. I had been climbing for approximately 2 hours and had scaled almost 1500 feet. From my perch I could see through the rolling mountains of the Carolinas and realized that I was looking at the most beautiful thing in the world: nothing. It made me think, was I really cut out to be this kind of person? Am I really supposed to be stuck in an office, or in a typical family house? I don’t know maybe only the mountain could answer my questions. I looked up and realized that the hardest part of the mountain is always at the top. I came this far and I wasn’t about to give up without getting the answers to my questions.

I contemplated resting for a while, but I knew that I would just give up. I rose from my perch and surveyed the task at hand. I had about a quarter of the mountain left and a nasty overhang to boot. My body was already spent with the effort of my earlier ascent.
The logical side of my brain told me to go down, to give up, to accept what I cannot change.My objective burned in my head like a bullet. Nothing would stop me now.

I plotted my route and painfully went for the first hold. I placed my right hand on the hold. massaging the rock with my fingers I asked my body to pull. It reluctantly obliged and I was on my way. Left hand to right hand, right foot to left foot I ascended like a spider. It was almost like my bear skin could hold to the rock. I continued this way for about 300 feet until I hit the overhang. This was the hardest part. The rock jutted out about 50 feet and continued upward for about another 150. This meant that at one point I would be parallel to the ground.

I was scared to death, I knew that this would not have been a problem when I was 17, but now I was not as strong as I once was. I raised a shaking hand and pulled myself upward.The key to this would be making good use of my hammer and spikes. I had to make sure that I had a safety net. I climbed slowly but surely, foot for foot. Hammering a spike in every 5 or 6 feet, praying they were strong enough to hold my weight should I fall. The earlier part of the mountain had been taken for granted, but now I had to earn what I got. I pulled my tired body along the underside of the overhang completely upside down to the world and scared to death. Carefully placing my hands and feet in places that would give me the best holds. I slowly made my way to the end the underside and to the most pivotal point of the climb. I would have to make it form the underside back to the vertical face. I hung upside down surveying my world and reached around the rock. My right hand found a sturdy handle and gripped tightly . My left hand followed closely behind. The only thing left now was my legs, the hardest part. I inhaled deeply eating the oxygen and let go with my legs. Gravity quickly took over and pulled them to the earth. For a split second I was hanging over almost 2500 feet with nothing to hold me but my hands, and poorly placed spikes. I hung and gathered my wits. With one fluid motion I pulled my entire body up to where my hands were. My body burned with the sting of lactic acid, but I had made it through the hard part. I had nothing left but a few hundred short feet.

I climbed the rest of the way with ease and pulled myself up to the peak of one of my greatest challenges. I had accomplished what I thought was impossible. I knew now what my life should be about I was meant to be here. Alone, away from the greed and apathy of the world. I had realized what the true freedom of life was in oneself. It is up to the person to be happy with the life they choose, not the world, not other people. I had seen that. I needed to look inside myself and confront the mountains I needed to climb on the inside. I had realized the power of solidarity, I had saved myself.