For this draft, I expanded the ending of the story as my peers advised. I really tried to think about many details of an accident scene, along with every little move one could make in such a horrible situation. The accident was a major part of my story so I definitely dwelled on it more in this draft. I tried to paint a more vivid picture in the reader's mind. I even spoke to my mom about my narrative; and she informed me that when people are in such intense shock, they sometimes freeze up. I then decided to add that to my story to make ot seem realistic.
When reading through my story, I realized that I didn't state that Bryan was drunk. I know that I make it rather obvious because he was swerving, but the reader doesn't know until Kim tells him or her through her thoughts. "I hope my baby is okay, please let this ride be over, just get drunk idiot Bryan off the damn road." Should I add dialogue or is it okay the way it is?
Now, after writing several drafts, I believe that I portrayed how madly in love Kimberly and Travis were. I attempted to show it both through physical affection (such as holding hands and kissing) and through Kimberly's random thoughts.
My intent was to show how perfect life can be, and then, how just one simple mistake can take it all away. Did I get my point across?
Process Memo: Fate (3rd Draft)
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