The strengths of this draft come from the fact that I tried to combine parts of the first and second drafts from Exploratory D. “Jimmy had been in Italy for five months and he still was not used to his friends dieing. “People say you get used to friends dieing, but gettin’ used to people dieing is somethin’ I hope I never get used to. The guys, who do, walk around with blank stares, like there is no one there.”
Also I still think that by far the strongest part of this exploratory is the fact that I was able to use excerpts from my grandfathers actually WW II journal that told of events that he actually experienced. Another possible strength is that I tried to throw in words that my grandfather used in his everyday speech, like yonder.
The only weakness that I think that there is is that this draft is too wordy, and for the final draft I will need to do some more revising in order to shorten it a little. So the fact that this draft is close to 2,000 words I think is a major weakness, since it might be too long to hold the readers attention.
In the next draft I am going to try and add more colloquialisms in order to add a more realistic aspect to the story. Also, I am going to try and add more interior monologue, so that I can give the reader a feeling of what I feel my grandfather experienced.
I feel that my story is easy to follow and understand, but there might be some parts that do not transition as easily as they should, but if you notice them please tell me, and if there are any other parts please make some suggestions.
An Inferno: Process Memo 3rd
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