I really like this draft and i feel likes it has been the best draft, not to mention the best thing i have wrote all semester! It is very easy for me to write about something that i know about and have experienced first hand, than something that i would have to research about. There are a lot of things that i think i did really good on in this draft, such as the amount of detail i put into it and the way it flows. I also like how this paper reaches out to you and makes you feel like you are actually there.
Although i really like this draft, i still feel like it is not perfect. For example, i feel that i could have put more detail into some of the paper, such as where we all "die:"
"I took off running, while Jon grabbed Meredith's hand and began roaming the halls for the staircase that he and his friend had just come from. It was never found, and neither were they." I also think that i could have added a little more transitions to make it flow a little better.
In future drafts i think that i will add a little bit more detail to the paper. For example, i would add more detail to how the people died instead of them all disappearing, it seems kind if repititive. I would also add more detail about how Sunland looks, i don't think that i brought out how scary Sunland really is!
Process Memo: Sunland is Far From Fun
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