ENC 1101-B3 & B4: Writing for Discovery

This draft I feel that my essay is more in-depth due to the different view through first person. Although the transition from third person to first person was pretty hard it ended up giving the story a different and more interesting perspective.

This draft I also added a lot more dialogue and gave the smaller characters more a speaking roll. Also I added a new character, even though the new character doesn’t have much to say, he ties in with the story. When I wrote the first draft, the teacher didn’t say anything, it was just explained that she said something, but in this draft she actually gets a bigger speaking part. You also get a better look into how the main character Billy really is.

I feel that the sentence structure is still pretty good and easy for the reader to follow. Also the events that take place have more detail in them.

I changed the ending a bit and gave a reason for the conflict, which I had left out in the original draft.

As for the story being in the present and not the past, that was a little harder than expected. Majority of the story stays in the present, but some of it tends to protrude into past tense, but with the way the story was structured was impossible to stay away from.