ENC 1101-B3 & B4: Writing for Discovery
Angela process memo
Written by Andrea00 on November 16, 2003 - 19:18
I enjoyed writing this story so much! I think it took me only 45 minutes to write also...since the story came completely off the top of my head, I was happy with only a few parts of it.

I think that it needs a lot more work though. There are some parts in there that arent really significant to the plot but definitely add detail. I personally dont like where i explain her job and how she woke up that morning. I could use some suggestions on what else i could put there that would be more correspondent to the rest of the story.

I also want to emphasize her reaction more when she heard about her parents' death. I want the reader to be able to see, feel, and hear, every detail that happened at that moment. I need some opinions on what else to add to that part of the story.

I also wasn't to happy about the ending. It seemed to abrupt and "out in the air." I want to give it some more spice and maybe have it lead on to something else.

Other than those few factors, I must give myself some credit for what i wrote. : ) I like the basis of the story but it just seems that there are a few gaps that i need to patch up.
Process Memos
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Great storyline!
Posted by lms03n on November 16, 2003 - 21:57.
I love your storyline! Poor Jason has to deal with devastating, romance stories. I definitely felt a sense of emotion! Since it's only your first draft, I know in later ones that you will further develop it.

"I personally dont like where i explain her job and how she woke up that morning. I could use some suggestions on what else i could put there that would be more correspondent to the rest of the story."
I was a little confused because, at the end, you told us that Angela inherited millions of dollars. However, in the beginning it seemed as if she was rather poor. Maybe, you should include that her parents wanted to teach her the way of independence. They thought she should work for what she desired in life. Just a suggestion!

In your next draft, you should definitely inform the reader of what happened to her boyfriend. I, personally, want to know. Smiling