I feel that my second draft had improved substantially over the first draft due to my mistake of not doing the whole first draft from one point of view. The second draft is totally from one side and I objected the side I agreed with the most in the first draft.
The draft is still very informative and brings up many points to strengthen my argument.
I also left in a view good points from the first draft that was helpful towards the argument.
I see that I could still add a few statistics. I could also broaden the category of piracy, which is already broad all by itself.
I believe the ending sort of sways away from the topic a bit, yet at the same time adds more support for the opinion I stated before it. I still feel the example from the South Park episode was a very strong and supportive of my opinions towards piracy.
I found this side of the argument a little more difficult than the other side because of my own personal beliefs on the subject, yet it wasn’t that much of a stretch.
In the next draft I hope to break down the paragraphs some more so that they are easier to read.
Download This- Revision to Draft C process Memo
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